Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Sometimes the hardest part isn't letting go but rather learning to start over

Well, tomorrow is the day...
The day...that I finally deactivate my facebook account!
I know it doesn't seem that monumental, but trust me, after six years of wasting my time on it, it's pretty big to me. But something happened that seems even bigger to me.
I wrote a note explaining all the lovely reasons that I'm leaving, and in it, I included that I had seen a former classmate delete me as his "friend." I told them that it hurt. I wasn't lying either. Well, you know how it goes. Someone saw it and decided to raid my friends list to see who it was. They found out and (I'm assuming) gave them a tongue-lashing for being so mean to me. That was not what I wanted.
So, now I'm in a pickle.
The guy messages me, using the politest of speech, and tells me what happens. He told me that since we never talk and he never goes to my profile, he figured I'd never find out that he deleted me. Well, sir, there is one thing that you must know.
I'm really not bitter about it. I completely understand. In fact, I think it's better this way. He was honest and apologized for the misunderstanding. And that was it. He's moving on with his life, and so am I. It's just sad for me to think that we're moving in different directions.
But that's how life goes sometimes, isn't it?
I knew that guy for all of my high school years. Those were hard times for me. I always felt like no one wanted to give me a chance at being somebody worth being around. My whole goal in life was to get people to like me. Every thought was consumed with it. I tried to be like someone they wanted to hang around and be with, but everything I did never seemed to be good enough. I was trying so hard for them. It sounds unselfish, but as I see it, those were the years when my life wholly circled around me. What I wanted them to think about me. But I couldn't do it. In the end, I lost myself and the possible close friends I could have had if I hadn't been trying so hard to be someone I'm not.
After graduation, I finally moved on...but not completely.
This is going to be the final step: completely shutting off anyone from my past who doesn't want to be part of my future.
It's not going to be easy. I'm gonna miss seeing what everyone's up to, following the drama that I am never personally involved in, secretly criticizing people who post pictures of themselves every day.
But you know what I'm not going to miss? Trying to think up "cool" statuses for people to like. Getting self-conscious about my pictures. Political and ethical debates. "Woe is me!" people who do nothing but get attention for beating up their self-respect.
All good things must come to an end. All bad things must come to an end QUICKER!

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