Sometimes the hardest part isn't letting go but rather learning to start over

Well, tomorrow is the day...
The day...that I finally deactivate my facebook account!
I know it doesn't seem that monumental, but trust me, after six years of wasting my time on it, it's pretty big to me. But something happened that seems even bigger to me.
I wrote a note explaining all the lovely reasons that I'm leaving, and in it, I included that I had seen a former classmate delete me as his "friend." I told them that it hurt. I wasn't lying either. Well, you know how it goes. Someone saw it and decided to raid my friends list to see who it was. They found out and (I'm assuming) gave them a tongue-lashing for being so mean to me. That was not what I wanted.
So, now I'm in a pickle.
The guy messages me, using the politest of speech, and tells me what happens. He told me that since we never talk and he never goes to my profile, he figured I'd never find out that he deleted me. Well, sir, there is one thing that you must know.
I ALWAYS FIND OUT.
I'm really not bitter about it. I completely understand. In fact, I think it's better this way. He was honest and apologized for the misunderstanding. And that was it. He's moving on with his life, and so am I. It's just sad for me to think that we're moving in different directions.
But that's how life goes sometimes, isn't it?
I knew that guy for all of my high school years. Those were hard times for me. I always felt like no one wanted to give me a chance at being somebody worth being around. My whole goal in life was to get people to like me. Every thought was consumed with it. I tried to be like someone they wanted to hang around and be with, but everything I did never seemed to be good enough. I was trying so hard for them. It sounds unselfish, but as I see it, those were the years when my life wholly circled around me. What I wanted them to think about me. But I couldn't do it. In the end, I lost myself and the possible close friends I could have had if I hadn't been trying so hard to be someone I'm not.
After graduation, I finally moved on...but not completely.
This is going to be the final step: completely shutting off anyone from my past who doesn't want to be part of my future.
It's not going to be easy. I'm gonna miss seeing what everyone's up to, following the drama that I am never personally involved in, secretly criticizing people who post pictures of themselves every day.
But you know what I'm not going to miss? Trying to think up "cool" statuses for people to like. Getting self-conscious about my pictures. Political and ethical debates. "Woe is me!" people who do nothing but get attention for beating up their self-respect.
All good things must come to an end. All bad things must come to an end QUICKER!

He looked as frightened as *I* was. I looked at him... and I saw myself.

My friend...he's amazing.
Actually, some people i know would more or less see him as a miracle. I guess i see him that way too.
It's funny how things seem to work out sometimes. There i was, sitting by myself, when lo and behold, here comes one of my guy friends!...with another guy friend. Honestly, i don't even think i cared much. I wasn't really impressed with what i saw. But something grabbed me about that guy, something i still can't put my finger on it. My only guess is the hand of God showing me that we were in the same boat. Both of us were just starting out in a new atmosphere, starting college, meeting hundreds of new people, scared. to. death. The funny thing is, after i met him these were pretty much my exact thoughts:
"Wow, he was a really nice guy. I'll probably never see him again though."
But, i did. We've hung out for about two/three years now. And what a rocky couple of years it has been. Rocky, but wonderful. I could never ask for a better friend.
The miracle part is simply the fact that he's a guy. (Well, with that pronoun, what else could he be?) Let's just say, a lot of people who knew me had no faith that i would ever get the attention of any male ever. Guess they were wrong.
So now, I have a best friend who is supportive, encouraging, passionate, endearing, humorous, sensitive, and thoughtful. (also paranoid. IT'S PARANNOYING!!!). We both have our flaws, but somehow we always manage to get through the little rough spots. We always do it by coming to a mutual understanding. We're not perfect; we're still working on some issues that come up every now and then.
I only have two years left to see him. Every time i think about it now, i cry. I really don't want to lose my friendship with him, but some things are just out of my control. I have vowed that i will not push a relationship with him, i will not criticize everything he does, i will not look down on him for his mistakes. i will cherish every second i have left with the most wonderful, amazing guy i know. I love him...as a friend.
If you have a friend like mine, please don't underestimate their influence on your life. My life is so much more than i could've ever imagined with him as my friend. I hope and pray we stay friends forever. Cherish every second you have with your friends, because you never know how long you'll have with them. Tomorrow's never guaranteed, but the time you have now is. Take advantage of it.

What you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others

So, i watched the opening ceremonies of the Olympics last night. I must say, i was greatly impressed with the whole ordeal. There's nothing like watching the nations parade their pride of their own people. Needless to say, i shed a few tears during these touching moments. It was amazing to see everyone in the parade proudly waving their nations' flags, waving to the people of the world, (videoing the whole thing with phones & cameras haha). That's what i like to see. At that moment, it wasn't a competition; it was a celebration. A celebration of how far these people have come to showcase their best and be awarded if they do it. The Olympic flag was raised, the Olympic song was played, and the whole world felt hope that maybe their country would rise and shine like the sun. Lighting the Olympic torch was pretty amazing, though. The symbolism was great. The rise of future Olympians, and the legacy of the older ones. It makes you think, you know? What are we leaving for future generations? Not in the sense of national debt or political letdown, but in the sense of our hearts. Are we showing our children that they can stand when everyone else goes with the flow? Are we showing them how to roll with the punches and turn the cheek...or are we showing them that revenge is the best way? Are we teaching them to be respectful to others and give consideration to when other people have differing opinions...or are we teaching them to mock and scoff others who disagree and that division in a home, a church, a nation is normal and even preferred? Are we teaching them to fight for what they love...or just how to fight? Our legacy is the most important thing that we leave behind. What will it teach the future generations? That they have the ability to rise above anything we could ever imagine...or that it's easier to just stay in the same comfort zone, because it doesn't require as much work?

the mind is everything. what you think you become.

It never ceases. I always end up making a total fool of myself everywhere i go.
Tonight was, unfortunately, one of those times....one of those horrible, horrible time.
You see, i was with a group of my high school classmates at a restaurant. As we were about to leave, i decide it would be easier to just go UNDER the table instead of going AROUND where i was entrapped in the middle of a large booth. BIG mistake. My derriere was about 2 inches to big to manage myself under the table. i only ended up shaking a few glasses, but as i stood i saw the whole restaurant staring me down. Yes, people, i know how to read facial expressions. WHY in heaven's name would i do something like that? it actually has a fairly simple answer. I wanted them to see that I'm not a dorky little girl anymore. I can be daring and adventurous just like the best of them.
In high school, all i wanted to do was be accepted by them, for them to treat me like i actually belonged there. So i changed into someone sad and ugly, to the point where i pretty much forgot who i was to begin with. When i started college though, the overwhelming number of people to please and change for increased drastically. it was impossible. i was forced to be...myself. Now, i wouldn't trade lives with anyone else in the world. I like me, not in some narcissistic egotistical way, but i really don't see any need to change myself for someone. I've come to be accepted by possibly the one person i needed to get accepted by...me. I always felt that they thought i was stupid and ugly, but in reality, it was really me who was thinking that. When you think you're stupid and ugly, chances are, you will become stupid and ugly solely based on what's going on in your noggin.
Ah yes, the mind is a powerful thing. But luckily, it's your mind and your choice.
How did i come to the conclusion that going under a table would impress them?
I didn't. i knew it probably wouldn't, but i wanted to show them that i have indeed changed. That i don't think about myself the way i used to. That i actually found the confidence to make a fool of myself and walk away with my head held high (and my heart in my stomach). I'm so happy that i don't have to please anyone anymore. I only hope that whoever reads this realizes the same thing. Being yourself is more important than being accepted by those whose opinion will change every week or so. You can please some people some of the time, but you can't please everyone all of the time. So why try? There's bound to be someone out there who will never accept you as you are. So why try? If you don't accept yourself, you can change. No one else can change you for you. It's your choice, so choose.

love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction

Girls, girls, girls.....
What can i say? we're temperamental, emotional, and completely confusing at times.
However, there is one quality that we seem to have mastered perfectly: desperate.
Seriously, i've grown quite tired of the "I'm single!!!! I'M SO ALONE I NEED A BOYFRIEND HE WILL MAKE EVERYTHING PERFECT!!!!!!" mentality.
Girls! don't you realize that one man cannot solve your every teeny tiny little problem? Don't you realize that he will have problems too? That most likely he might not be able to solve them for you? Listen, i'm gonna tell it to you straight. A real relationship will center around helping each other with each other's problems. Working as a team, not a one-sided effort, to figure out the best way to handle something. The main concern you should have for wanting a relationship should not be what he can do for you, but what you can do for him and what you two can do together. Chances are, the problems you think you have, can be solved by yourself.
Oh, what's that? You're lonely?
So am I.
But i'm not going around boohoo-ing about it. I've come to a point where i realize that being single isn't something i can control. I don't see myself as a lonely little speck in the world who's destined to be alone for the rest of my life. I've accepted it as a long-distance relationship...my husband is simply living in the future.
"But i'm so lonely now, i can hardly bear it!!!!!"
Do you really want the quickie answer, dear? Because chances are, if you get it quick, you'll lose it just as quickly.
Oh, and about all those woe-is-me statuses and photos you share all over the place?
Let me spell it out for you: D.E.S.P.E.R.A.T.I.O.N.
It doesn't make me feel sorry for you. It doesn't make anyone think more highly of you. It's unattractive, and last thing i heard, guys weren't drawn to unattractive things. Do you really think your dream man is gonna see that crap and think "Wow, she's so awesome. I'm gonna ask her out and end her pain" ?
Answer: NO.
Most likely, he'll be like "Wow, she seems really needy. I don't even want to imagine what she'd be like as a girlfriend."
Ladies, please...just be yourself. Be happy with who you are (without a man). Don't change. Wait for the good things, and they will come.

everyone can dream big, but not everyone has big dreams.

So...this seems to be my latest endeavor. Managing a blog that most likely no one will ever read. Hey, i can dream though. Maybe it will become the most popular blog ever!...or maybe i'll quit it in a couple of weeks. I guess we'll all find out.(or, atleast i will :P) just so you know, this error bar is driving me crazy. many things drive me crazy. mannny things. like people...and commercials...and people...and slow computers...and politicians. You should be thankful i'm so tolerant ;). Should i use emoticons? Depends...is this a formal blog or a casual blog? I would guess it's more of a, let's say, "me" blog. The more i write, the more you'll see it. I guess the purpose of this blog right now is for me to write out all the things i've learned in the past two years. Most of what i've learned is in the title. so, in saying, i will answer the following question with the following posts i shall write:

What is real love?