I'm so angry right now, and I have no one to talk to about it so you random (or not so random) reader gets the unfortunate brunt of me letting out my frustrations.
There's so much going on for me right now. I just want to throw something at the wall but i'll settle for sighing extra hard for the time being.
I'm angry at people because they abandon me and they DON'T LISTEN TO ME. They treat me like some idiot kid when I just want to be taken seriously (which I realize can be really hard since I make a plethora of dumb jokes). They twist my words around to dump guilt on me, then put on melodramatics when that doesn't work. They expect me to do things, but I don't even know how to do them. Lazy ass, needy, demeaning, GAHH!
I'm not a status!
I'm not an idiot!
I'm a human with emotions godammit!
I'm angry at my family because they expect a lot from me and yet hardly anything at the same time. They expect me to go on an expensive vacation and pay for my share. I have no choice! I have to go! They can't just leave me at home by myself since I can't legally drive by myself. So now i'm going on a vacation that'll leave me indebted by about $1300 to my family. I don't have a job or the means to get one at this time. AND THEY KNOW THAT. My mom told me the other day to save some money for souvenirs and stuff. Are you kidding me?? My share is supposedly $2000 and I only have about $700 right now. And the place is so cliche. I'd really rather go to Europe.
I'm angry because the country is going to hell. I mean, look at the presidential candidates. Hilary Clinton and Donald Trump? Is this a joke? Please, tell me this is a joke. I'd rather have Obama for another term than either of those two. I'm not kidding when I say I'm seriously considering moving to another country...like England or Ireland or New Zealand or literally anywhere. I wouldn't trust either of them to run the local Wendy's. Also, everyone's so concerned with being politically correct. I was watching a video of some guys playing cards against humanity and one of them was super concerned about being politically correct. IT'S CARDS AGAINST HUMANITY. It's supposed to be politically incorrect!! Super sensitive babies stuck with a junior high mentality the lot of us.
I'm angry at me because of where my life is at right now. I don't like it at all but I don't really have the ambition to change it. I'm just tired of putting effort and energy into something that's just going to disappoint me. I'm angry at my childish hopes. God, why do I have to be so dumb sometimes? My life is so full of silence and I get so desperate to fill it with something, anything. I'm angry because I see people I know getting married and having kids and appearing happy and I just feel this metaphorical hole in me. Like "I could have that happiness if I was prettier, more sociable, etc." I always fuck up. I always have to make drama (even though I do my best to avoid it). I always have to try even if I know that it won't work, because of that damn "maybe this time..." I always tell myself. Hope is for idiots like me who don't know when to give up.
Does anyone empathize at all? Can someone at least try to care?
