A holy roller.
Podium pounder.
Jesus freak.
I'd better stop there while I'm ahead. I'm having too much fun for such a serious topic...
Anyway, if you haven't figured it out by now, I went to a christian school, christian college, and went to church my whole life. I got saved (became a Christian) when I was about 15 or 16 and still consider myself a christian today.
I always had a darkness that was inside me though. I held it back, put it away, never looked at it. If you don't acknowledge it's there, it'll go away on its own right?
...Right?
Wrong.
The dark side of my moon has grown. My younger, more innocent self would be ashamed of me to know who I am today.
The me of today?
Well, honestly, I've accepted that part of me and am actually enjoying being able to explore the darker side of me.
It has its down sides though.
The emo-ish despair that I feel a lot is nothing to be proud of. The anger I feel sometimes may worry me, but as long as I can manage it, I'll be fine.
I cuss now. That's right. Fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck. It actually feels good to get it out of my system. However, if someone's around that would be offended by it, I watch my tongue. Doing otherwise would be a real jerkish thing to do. I would always swear in my head but thought that saying it out loud was the real sin. Then I figured, "You know what? what's the difference whether I say it in my head or out loud?" Words are just words unless you act on them. Who said that these words were "bad" words? I think the true reason that most people do not swear is because their parents told them they would get in trouble if they said them.
"OH NO not me!!! I don't say them because I'm a good Christian and don't want to disappoint God!!!!"
When have we NEVER disappointed God? Look at us! We're humans! We'll NEVER be perfect. We will ALWAYS disappoint perfection. It's part of our nature and something we cannot control. The darkness is in everyone who breathes air and feels emotions. The same darkness that I have let grown inside me is the same one that is inside you and everyone who walks the earth. The only difference is how well we acknowledge it.
I have acknowledged it and have monitored its growth. Can't have me becoming an ax murderer now, can I?
And yes....I got some of my inspiration from South Park.
So sue me.
Actually, don't....I'm broke.
