When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.

The following is a summary of what's happened lately:
CRAP DANGIT WHAT THE HECK
I've watched this one guy's videos on YouTube for about a year now. It was my first Christmas without my grandpa and they were pretty amusing videos. They made me laugh and that was what I needed at the time. I don't know why I was so curious about him but I decided to look him up on Facebook and in doing so discovered he had a blog. Turns out, he and I share common disappointments. I decided to message him and try to encourage a little bit of hope. 
We conversed for a little bit before turning the conversation to our hopeless love lives.
Two words: GOSH DARNIT.
I ended up sobbing at 3 AM, feeling pain for not only me, but for him too.
Oh geez.
Needless to say, my life is now filled with meaningless interjections.
So I've been thinking about it all day, rolling our situations over in my head. He lost a sweet girl that means the world to him. I let go of the guy I loved so much and that meant the world to me. 
And we've both basically given up on happiness.
I listened to my epic Thomas Bergersen music and tossed and turned until all hours of the night before finally passing out around 6 AM. The black hole I had covered up began sucking any joy and hope I had built up. I just couldn't get our hopelessness out of my mind.
Today, I made the decision that while sometimes it's good to give up, not this time. I was so close once. Maybe I can do it again. After all, I didn't "get him" with makeup or stilettos. I was just being myself, my out-of-the-ordinary but strangely unique self.
There's nothing wrong with me. I am perfectly content with who I am. I have a pretty solid self-image.
I just have a hard time believing that the type of guy who could truly love me exists.
I mean, I'm not exactly cut and paste. A living contradiction to myself, as I've put it before.
I may lose hope, but that doesn't mean I'm hopeless. 
Let's face it, all of us have doubts about whether we'll ever find love that lasts. The people who should be most afraid are those who are extra uber-confident that they'll get married. 
Because as I've learned, nothing ever happens exactly as planned. EVER.
The future is unpredictable. Who knows what may surprise you. A day could make all the difference in the world.
So now, I'm holding out for that one day. Hope renewed.

...........
You know, it's kinda creepy the way I bounce back so quickly sometimes....