the mind is everything. what you think you become.

It never ceases. I always end up making a total fool of myself everywhere i go.
Tonight was, unfortunately, one of those times....one of those horrible, horrible time.
You see, i was with a group of my high school classmates at a restaurant. As we were about to leave, i decide it would be easier to just go UNDER the table instead of going AROUND where i was entrapped in the middle of a large booth. BIG mistake. My derriere was about 2 inches to big to manage myself under the table. i only ended up shaking a few glasses, but as i stood i saw the whole restaurant staring me down. Yes, people, i know how to read facial expressions. WHY in heaven's name would i do something like that? it actually has a fairly simple answer. I wanted them to see that I'm not a dorky little girl anymore. I can be daring and adventurous just like the best of them.
In high school, all i wanted to do was be accepted by them, for them to treat me like i actually belonged there. So i changed into someone sad and ugly, to the point where i pretty much forgot who i was to begin with. When i started college though, the overwhelming number of people to please and change for increased drastically. it was impossible. i was forced to be...myself. Now, i wouldn't trade lives with anyone else in the world. I like me, not in some narcissistic egotistical way, but i really don't see any need to change myself for someone. I've come to be accepted by possibly the one person i needed to get accepted by...me. I always felt that they thought i was stupid and ugly, but in reality, it was really me who was thinking that. When you think you're stupid and ugly, chances are, you will become stupid and ugly solely based on what's going on in your noggin.
Ah yes, the mind is a powerful thing. But luckily, it's your mind and your choice.
How did i come to the conclusion that going under a table would impress them?
I didn't. i knew it probably wouldn't, but i wanted to show them that i have indeed changed. That i don't think about myself the way i used to. That i actually found the confidence to make a fool of myself and walk away with my head held high (and my heart in my stomach). I'm so happy that i don't have to please anyone anymore. I only hope that whoever reads this realizes the same thing. Being yourself is more important than being accepted by those whose opinion will change every week or so. You can please some people some of the time, but you can't please everyone all of the time. So why try? There's bound to be someone out there who will never accept you as you are. So why try? If you don't accept yourself, you can change. No one else can change you for you. It's your choice, so choose.