It is with our passions as it is with fire and water; they are good servants, but bad masters.

I am a Doctor Who fan...
Along with half of the world and the Queen of England.
Actually, comparing myself to other fans, I'm more of a Doctor Who viewer. Seriously, some of these fans are...weird. However, this is nothing new. We see it all the time with movies and books and whatever. First it's Harry Potter, then it's Twilight, then it's Hunger Games, and then it will be something else next year. What doesn't change, however, is how incredibly fanatic their viewers get. Enough so to earn them nicknames such as Potterheads, Twihards, and Whovians---all of which are not recognized by spell check as normal words. 
It's crazy how people's entire world can be so focused on something or someone who doesn't even exist. They lose sight of the fact that what they are going on and on and on about is composed of one person's ideas, actors, and impressive cinematography. It's like they've dropped down the rabbit hole to Neverland where no one ever grows up!
They call it "escaping the world."
I call it "denial of reality."
Not always a bad thing...unless you choose to live there.
Which many, many more people than necessary seem to do.
Last time I looked/heard, the word fanatic didn't always mean something good.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not opposed to having the occasional t-shirt, small trinkets, or casually mentioning a show/movie that you like.
I am opposed to an entire wardrobe dedicated to it, every piece of memorabilia that you can afford, and talking endlessly about it and actively pushing others to not just watch but enjoy the show as much as you do.
To me, that life sounds kind of...sad really.
It's like, look at all you're missing out on! The things that you can see and hear and feel in front of you! Panoramas that take your breath away and make your heart race. Having that kind of great time with friends that makes you forget all the bad things in your life. Enjoying a brief moment of silence after a long day. (Actually speaking about something worthwhile without people giving you that "okayyy..." look)
These movies and TV shows can add nothing to the quality of your life, but you can.
Someone who is an ardent fan is called a fanatic; someone who is obsessed with something is also called a fanatic...or a maniac.
Think about that.
But to be frankly honest...I kinda want a sonic screwdriver. :)

The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward

I told a man I loved him.
He did not say the same.
There were no accusations,
No passing off of blame.

Despite his faults and failures,
Despite his secret sin,
I promised to be with him,
And love what was within.

I shed no tears of sorrow,
Of bitterness, or pain.
I wept for his condition:
The strength he can’t sustain.

His shame he keeps in secret,
And there his shame shall stay,
Until he learns to let God work
And take this weight away

I told him of our friendship
And spoke of yesterdays;
Of how our hearts were broken
And fractured different ways.

His words had cut me deeply.
I’d turned away and fled.
Confusion welled within me,
And my bruised heart had bled.

“Enough” I should have told him
A long, long time ago.
If I was a good friend to him,
Right now, it didn’t show.

I mustered up my courage.
I said “We need to talk.”
My legs, they shook so badly
That I could barely walk.

His shoulders stooped from weariness.
I saw his countenance fall.
It hurt to see how sad he was
When our friendship hit the wall.

I watched him walk away that night
Not knowing what to do,
Thoughts weighing heavy on his heart
And tearing it in two.

I told him that I loved him,
And it’s still true today.
He’s always been my closest friend
And will remain always.

(Written by ~yours truly)

When faced with two equally tough choices, most people choose the third choice: to not choose

"Make up your mind."

It's something we say/hear everyday, but don't really think about what it means.

"Make up"? We make up stories. We make up lies. Why should we make up decisions like that?

"Your mind" Yeah, because the mind is the most sane and reliable thing we possess. Ha!

Maybe that's why it's so hard to do sometimes.

My friend has been going on for a while now about whether or not he's going to "branch out" as he puts it. I don't think joining one different person for one time in two months is exactly what he had in mind. I thought I'd actually be nice and not possessive this time and suggest someone for him to hang out with.

Heavens, no!

That friend has too many friends! He can't possibly spend time with him! 

Ok...So, I told him he was perfectly welcome to join me whenever he needed, no strings attached.

No, no, no. That's no good either.

He wants to spend more time with GUY friends. That doesn't count me, seeing as I'm obviously not a guy. It was so nice to have my attempted kind gesture thrown into my face. More like, punched into my face.

So, today I asked if it was acceptable to go to lunch with him and his friend (who's a girl).

Of course! Why wouldn't we want you to come?

"Well, you said you wanted to spend more time with guy friends."

"Right now, I'd rather be with people I know."

WHAT. IN. THE. WORLD!!

He's flip-flopping more than politicians a week before the polls open!

I'd think he'd get dizzy from looking around at all these decisions he's making about the same thing. He can't seem to, well, make up his mind about what he's going to do. He wants to leave his group of friends, he wants to get closer to other people, but he doesn't want to be with the people he knows or the people he doesn't know. It's irritating, and I can't even imagine how irritating it must be for him.

It'd be like standing on those merry-go-rounds on the playground that we used to run around and hop onto. 

Faltering on a decision hurts. It hurts not only the person who is making the decision, but also those that will be affected by it. Waiting is the worst part. I've never been one to dwell in the unknown for a long period of time. Hmmm, one school year...that's pretty long I would say. So many months of just waiting for him to make up his mind and just DO something.

Please, for the sake of those around you, don't keep them wondering about what you're going to do if it affects them. The emotions you feel are overwhelming and they seep into those closest to you. 

The hunger to belong is not merely a desire to be attached to something. It is rather sensing that great transformation and discovery become possible when belonging is sheltered and true.

It is a universal truth that everyone, everywhere has a need to feel belonging. Somewhere that they feel safe and wanted. Somewhere they can run to and find comfort and acceptance for who they really are. This need drives some to extremes, none of which end with the coveted "happily ever after." To belong somewhere is to be somebody.
In the words of Dean Martin, "You're nobody 'till somebody loves you."
I feel like nobody right now.
I know I have a loving family, but they are many thousands of miles away right now. I'm in a quiet place at school surrounded by dozens of people, and I still feel thousands of miles away. Even my best friend is feeling distant these days.
I don't know. I've felt like this often. Making observances about other people's lives unfortunately leads me to realize how much of a full life I'm missing out on. It's not fair. I feel like I don't even have a chance.
I'm definitely not going to say I'm the only one who feels this way or that this feeling is so much worse than everyone else who feels the same way. It's just I get a little frustrated sometimes.
Sitting at a dinner table feeling completely out of place. Walking places and not seeing even one kind, familiar face. Going a whole day only saying an average of two sentences. It's like living in the Twilight Zone. I know...this is the episode where someone gets dropped off on a distant planet just like this one, but he knows no one and no one knows him. That must be it...
It's strange. I'm in a place surrounded by people who share the same interests, the same faith, the same living quarters, the same buildings, the same eating places, the same everything. Yet, I still feel like there's no one I can relate to right now. Like a square in the midst of a bunch of circles. The black dot on a white board. That one neon letter that's always blown out on a store sign. People look at it, notice it's different, then move on and forget it.
Small talk is a great way to get to know someone, but it's also the best way to make someone feel out of place. If you ever see someone who looks a little uncomfortable, don't you dare ask them "how they are" or "how was your day." You will always, ALWAYS get the answers "good" and "fine." Ask them something off the wall. Just whatever comes to mind. Favorite color, vacation memories, favorite subject to study, something other than the mundane.
Because the start of feeling like you belong somewhere begins with that feeling when someone shows natural interest in what you think/believe/feel, etc.
The beginning of belonging is feeling special.

The good life is a process, not a state of being. It is a direction not a destination.

Have you ever had one of those times in your life where you were left saying, "Ok, what's the catch?"
My anxiety is completely controlled, my semester is starting out pretty good, classes seem bearable, my relationship with my best friend is flourishing nicely...what else could go, well...right?
It's kinda scaring me right now though. I'm not sure if this "goodness" is going to last or whether I'm just sitting at the edge with my feet dangling off of the deep end.
I mean, come on. This is MY life we're talking about! Stuff like this just doesn't happen to me. A good day or two, yes, but not like this.
In other words, I'm back after taking a rather lengthy vacation of sorts from the blogging world.
What can I say? Being a college student, one learns to prioritize and passing classes outweighed rambling off to no one. At least that's what I thought before checking my stats today.
Four hundred eighty viewings on one post alone. WHAT? Someone or someones are actually reading my stuff? I have no idea but I'm curious as to how many of them were legitimate people.
Anyway, I really am speaking on my breath of fresh air in my life right now. It's January and 70 degrees outside. Yes, you heard me. It feels oh so much like spring! The refreshing breeze is utterly rejuvenating  and the trees are budding with those pretty pink blossoms. The only thing that's put a damper on my life lately was sleeping in too late one day and being 5 minutes late to the college chapel. I was totally devastated, if you could imagine...
So disappointing...
My Christmas vacation went great. I got a guitar for my birthday and got pretty far into teaching myself. Had a great time with family. My mother only aggravated me few times less than normal.
Like I said, life's pretty good right now. But that doesn't mean I'm cowering in fear waiting for the hammer to fall. Concerned, yes; terrified, not so much.
If you ever had or have one of these times in your lives, don't waste it. Take advantage of it! Whether it last a few days or a few years, if you're suspicious about karma or whatever the whole time, it just ruins it.
Enjoy the little moments of joy you experience when you have them. Flowers will wilt over time, so enjoy them while they are still fresh and beautiful.

Much unhappiness has come into the world because of bewilderment and things left unsaid

What's a girl to do?
No, seriously, what am I supposed to do with this boy?
Love him? Leave him?
I hadn't been feeling well this past weekend and spent most of my days in my bedroom reading books and playing mindless flash games. So much for the "student's life for me." I'm feeling better now, but my medicine dosage got doubled...along with its side effects. Lucky me. Anyway, during my time of social isolation, my dear guy friend goes and does something unspeakable. He bought me Chik-fil-A...without me asking for it or asking if I wanted anything. My own family doesn't do anything like that!
Earlier in the day, I ventured out (idiotically) to get something from the store. I met him outside and showed him a picture of the sign I made that he desperately wanted to see (I'll explain that later on). I felt horrible and excused myself, trying to make a quick getaway before I emptied the contents of my stomach. I made a beeline for my dorm and he escorted me the whole way. He's very persistent like that.
He's also too nice.
When I asked him why he was so nice to me, this is what he said:
"Do I have to have a reason? :)"
Now, what am I supposed to think with an answer like that? One of our mutual friend said that she's pretty sure he's crazy about me, but I can never be sure. He's too much of a mystery to me. Normally, I'm pretty good at reading people and their intentions, but I must admit, this boy has got me stumped.
But then again, I most likely stump him too. I regret to say that sometimes I let my feelings and emotions determine how I act and talk around him. The sign I was mentioning before? Yes, it was for him. He was competing in a race and I made one to tape on my dorm window. It took up the whole window and was very obviously for him.
Sometimes, I feel like he's the world to me and other times it's like "what am I thinking??"
Should I tell him what's on my heart and risk our friendship?
Or should I keep on keeping on and risk losing the best thing I could ever have?
The Land of Confusion is not a very happy place to vacation, needless to say.

My great mistake, the fault for which I can't forgive myself is that one day I ceased my obstinate pursuit of my own individuality.

Apparently, I'm a melancholy phlegmatic.
In simpler terms, it means I have a boring personality.
One of my friends gave me a book about personality types. What the author had to say made me angry.
The author was basically trying to say that "everyone is unique in their own special way" and then went on to speak as if there were only four types of people in the world. My personality, according to the author, is one that is antisocial, controlling, and strict.
That's not me.
I'm laid back, but I do hold to somewhat stricter standards.
I like neatness, but my room is a complete disaster (I always claim it's the sign of genius in me).
I love laughing and having fun and yelling at games, but I also like sitting by the ocean and listening to the waves hit the beach.
I am, but I'm not.
I am a living contradiction...to myself.
It's true! Sometimes, I do things or say things that are completely contrary to what I would normally do. I didn't like that the personality book placed me in only one and a half categories.
I took their test by picking specific adjective from a list of four words that best described me. Sometimes, all of the words defined me; sometimes, none of them did. It was a test to find my strengths and weaknesses.
Well...I know those. What about everything else?
It based my personality on my strengths and weaknesses instead of who I really am. Who I am when no one is around.
Want to know what the worst thing about the book was?
It told me the type of guy I should be romantically involved with.
It basically said I should go for the loud, obnoxious, confident, handsome guy who hangs around people all the time and doesn't let me get a word in otherwise.
WHAT!?!?
Those types of guys drive me nuts!! I actually want a guy who's more like me---reserved, respectable. You know, a guy I can feel comfortable being myself around. I don't have to worry about pleasing him or his friends with my social status or worry about feeling overwhelmed by him when he does all the talking and doesn't let me enjoy a quiet moment.
I don't want to fall in love with him because of his personality...
I want to fall in love with his heart.